What Could’ve Been

I try to forget about moments, you saw me at home;

Forget about the fights and the nights you claimed my soul. 

All of those moments, I ran out of breath;

Now I see you running, out on the rest. 

You drove me wild, from the very first day;

You sent me flying high, now you throw me away. 

Do you think it mattered that you decided to call? 

Why not come face me, where you scared of the fall?

We could’ve had forever, we could’ve chased down our dreams;

But time is lost, along with me. 

I hope you’re happy with tasting my tears;

Wishing you could find a way back through wasted years. 

I hope you feel my hands dance upon your skin;

I hope they feel like fire and you never feel again. 

I want you burning, from the inside out.

The way I’ve felt since your winds threw me about. 

Let it take over and settle in your spine. 

I hope you remember, you could’ve been mine. 

Blinded

And then there was nothing;
then it was cold.
I thought we had something;
guess I was wrong. 

And then there was everything;
torn all in two.
I thought that was suffering;
now I know the truth

And there was darkness;
hiding the light.
I thought it was blinding;
this time I’m right.

Wait in Vain

You were never mine, you were never theirs;

you were your own poison; you were your own despair.

I was always searching; always looking for a way;

to keep you from harm; to keep your fears at bay.

But you would fight me; you would hide within your fears;

your took fake refuge; inside a bottle of tears.

The darkness hovered around you; it lingered in your kiss;

you would forget to say you loved me; you would float away on empty bliss.

There were times I’d reach for; there were times I’d find just your flesh.

you were a hollow being; you were a lifeless mess.

I remember begging; I remember my desperate pleas.

I waited for countless lifetimes; I waited for you to come back to me.

Alas, the wait is over; the wait was always in vain.

Today I shed a tear for you; a shed a tear that disappeared in the rain.

We are Nothing without God (Bless those in Connecticut)

We have a nation of heavy hearts today. Questions arise that we can’t answer and we don’t want to. Unless you have ever been directly touched by something like this its hard to put yourself in the shoes of those whose world has been shattered.

I am 29 years old, born in the 80s. Like all generations I have seen my fare share of tragedies. I have seen the school shooting, the Oklahoma city bombing, the Trade Centers falling, the Pentagon attached…our world has seen so much loss its hard to comprehend it all. 

All of those things have touched us so deeply and even though we may not be the ones there when it happened it has left us scared. That is because, as Americans, as human being, our hearts and souls cry out to the victims. We mourn the loss of those people as if they were our flesh and blood.

In a way, I believe that they are and that is why we hurt along with their immediate families. We are brothers and sisters in Christ so how could we not hurt for them? God gave us this heart and a love for each other that not even science or anything else for that matter can explain. We need that love and we desire it. So when one of our brothers or sisters does something so horrendous, we look inside ourselves and wonder why. We wounder how that could happen.

I have always been a very spiritual and faithful person. In my heart of hearts, I believe that there is a God and he sent His son to die on the cross so that we may receive eternal salvation. I also believe that He sent the Holy Spirit here as our comforter. When we seek Him he will guide us. When we stray and do not pray or study or strive to be the people He wants us to be, that is when the darkness seeps in.

In my soul, I know that there is good and there is evil and it is up to us to choose which side we are on. We have allowed, as Christians, this world to pick apart our faith little by little. More and more each day that darkness seeps in. We don’t think that God is relevant or that He is even needed. We have become prideful and think we can do it all on our own.

Well, I’m sorry, I can’t live my life like that. I will not live my life like that. I know that there is a pure and Holy God that I should cling to when all the world is falling down around me. He will keep me steady and He will lead me where I need to go.

With all that being said, I pray that the people of this world realize that there is more to this life than material things or who adores them. It doesn’t matter who you are or what you have accomplished, you are nothing without God. Nothing can save you or love you the way God can. 

I am not writing this to offend anyone or to make anyone upset. I am writing this to heal my own heart and pray that I can help someone else in the process. I pray for all those families who are beyond devastated tonight. My heart breaks for them and I pray that they can find peace one day. May grant rest the souls of those children and adults who have come home today.

Love always,
Amanda